Monday, July 2, 2012

"For the battle is not yours, but God's"

July 1, 2011 was a day that changed our lives forever.  It's hard to believe it's already been a year.  I haven't decided yet if it has been the longest year or the fastest year of my life.  For those who many not know our story let me take a moment to fill you in.

Lincoln had been a little pale, had some spots and had two episodes of having a head ache and then throwing up.  We took him in and the Dr immediately sent us to have blood work done.  Of course a little later we received "the call" stating that there was something seriously wrong, and that we need to go to Doernbecher's ASAP.  I remember asking the Dr what he thought might be wrong and his response was, looks like it could be "cancer".  From there everything seemed to be a whirlwind. 

We immediately got the car packed and headed to Doernbecher's.  The packing wasn't too difficult beause we were suppose to go away for the 4th of July weekend.  I don't really remember the car ride up.  I do remember wondering what all this meant.  I mean for goodness sakes the Dr said "cancer", what did this mean, was my son dying, what were his chances, what was this journey going to look like.

Long night awaited us.  We spent about 5 hours in the ER at Doernbecher's while they figured out for sure that he had "cancer" and did more testing to find out what kind.  About 10:30 that night they transferred us over to the hematology/oncology floor where we would begin our week long stay.  At about midnight the Dr on call came in to inform us that Lincoln did have "cancer", Leukemia ALL.  All I remember was that I was tired and my mind was on complete overload that I ended up crying myself to sleep that night, as I lay next to my son and husband, wondering what our future held.

Despite those first emotions of shock and confusion, I can say that we had such peace and assurance that everything was going to be ok.  Didn't know exactly what was to come and all that in entailed but knew that God was in control and is still in control.  Don't get me wrong, we still had and have moments when tears come, or the burden seems unbearable, but are always reassured that God is with us and that He's caringing us every step of the way.

The next morning in the hospital was such a hard day as a parent.  Here my son had just been diagnosed with cancer, he was so confused as to why he was there in this new enviornment, he didn't understand why the nurses were constantly checking on him, why he had tubes connected to him, and why he was feeling the way he felt.  All he really wanted to do, was go back home.  The Dr's immediately sprung into action the next day.  He had his pic line placed securely in his arm, had his LP, Spinal Tap and of course started a bunch of meds.  Worst feeling as a parent, is to be holding your child and have them pry your child out of your arms crying and screaming because they have to take them into surgery.

That week was a week like no other.  Thank goodness for wonderful volunteers and an awesome playroom.  Lincoln lived in the playroom that week up there.  It was a nice distraction why mommy and daddy learned more about what our life would look like for the next several years.

We have come upon the year mark of when he was diagnosed.  We are just wrapping up our first year of intense treatment, getting ready to start our maintenance section which will be for the next 2 1/2 years.

It's incredible to look back over this last year and see all that was overcome.  The weekly, somtimes 2 to 3 times a week) appointments, the daily medications, the accessing of his port each visit, the fasting, the steroids, the constant wondering if this is because he doesn't feel good, is it his meds, or just because he is 3.  The effects it has had on my marriage, on my daughters life, my relationship with others, the things we have chosen to sacrifice for my sons health, the days in tears, the days of loneliness, the heavy burden, but I can hoenstly say there probably isn't much we would change.  We do what we have to do to fight for the health of our loved ones.

God is a good God, a loving God and so faithful.  I definitely didn't see this as something I could go through but He did, and I am so thankful that He has been right by my side every step of the way.  I couldn't have done this last year without Him.  You never think these things will happen to you.  We can be so quick to judge those around us going through difficult times, but you truly have no idea until you are placed in those shoes.

I want to remind all of you that God never promised that our lives would be easy.  He never said they would be a piece of cake, a walk in the park, but He did promise that He would be with us everystep of the way.  He knows everything about us and about our lives from start to finish.  Out of every situation, good or bad, there is a nugget of wisdom to glean.  Remember that He is with us always, draw from Him, let Him be your everything.

Please continue to keep our family in your prayers, as our journey is not yet over.  We still have 2 1/2 more years of treatment.  We thank you all for all your love, support, and prayers.  They mean so much to us and have definitely helped us through this new journey in which we are on. 


  1. Thanks for sharing Jenny, praying for you guys!

  2. I have never actually met you but have heard so much about your family through Mops, and now through Running for Lincoln. I am so amazed to read about your faith in God, and I find it so incredibly inspiring. We continue to pray for you and your family!